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(no subject) [Jun. 30th, 2005|01:13 am]
WE MOVED!!!!!!!!>>>>uhhhh....soooo.....i got really bored....sooo...uuuhhh......i made a new one....its called Lost_At_Home........check that one
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(no subject) [May. 21st, 2005|09:50 am]
as u all have probably realized i hardly EVER use this anymore. those of you whole really know me, know part of the reason why. And besides that i think i've just outgrown it. I find myself checking it only for certain peoples entries and not giving a damn about others entries. Not to mention that no one seems to give a damn about my entries. SO im done with livejournal, i have a REAL journal to write in. those of you whos journals i faithfully comment in, i will still comment in but i think im just going to start being a real person and using the phone.

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(no subject) [May. 14th, 2005|01:32 pm]

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free.

In love, you feel the most alive when things are straight-forward, and you're told that you're loved.

You'd like to your lover to think you are stylish and alluring.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was ruthless, cold-blooded, and sarcastic.

Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with.

Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.

You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred.

In this moment, you think of love as commitment. Love only works when both people are totally devoted.

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(no subject) [May. 14th, 2005|01:13 pm]
[what i hear in my head |john legend- i can change]

touch me the right way and a smile comes to my face and my eyes light up. Look at me the right way and i become warm and innocent again. love me the right way and i become happy again.
i've determined that by nature i am a nurturer, when it comes to people i care about and love i just want them to feel good, to feel happy, and to love me for my effort to help in that. But i lose sight of what i need sometimes, not lose sight but rather forget to pursue it and i become accomidating. I dont even realize it untill i start to become unhappy and feel unloved and just want to be touched.
Just want to feel someones hand on mine and in that touch know that someone wants me to be happy just as bad as i want them to be happy.
Love is complicated and to desire a love and not recieve it is even more complicated because you cant force someone to love.
I talked to Ray for over an hour today and he said i dont act attracted to him. I was shocked because he's that person whos touch makes me feel at home, makes me feel comfortable and just content and happy. And thats when i realized that i'd become accomidating again, when he kisses me, i dont kiss him how i want to b kissed but rather i just let him kiss me and he can feel that.
I cried for the majority of the conversation and after getting off the phone with him, our problems resolved, i still feel kind of down.
My eyes burn and my head hurts and i dont really know why.
Like i do sometimes i started this with a point and in jus "talking" about whats irkin me, i've forgotten my real point
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(no subject) [Apr. 2nd, 2005|10:12 pm]
do parents ever just believe and trust that their child can actually change for the better? That they can actually lose a bad habit?
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BAHHHHHH [Apr. 2nd, 2005|02:07 pm]
[what i feel in my soul |hungryfresh pair of panties-snoop]

sooooooo hungry.....no food, no transportation, nobody with me.....i wanna go c sin city u guys :-( and i wanna go eat (obviously) lol.....im sooooooooooo bored and huuunnnngrrryy
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(no subject) [Mar. 29th, 2005|03:06 pm]
have u ever had a bunch of ppl around u but still felt all alone when something bad happens? ever wonder y no one calls when u really need to talk but cant seem to dial a number yourself? Cornelius has luekemia. My first love, my only love and he's dying. Somehow i'm handling this but i cant understand how, how i walk from day to day like nothings wrong. He goes in for a blood transfusion 2mrw and his new girlfriend's going to the hospital with him. I'd go too but i couldnt even look at the girl, itd make the situation even harder. I'd have to restrain myself from telling her that not only does she not know what love is but she will never know the complete and real cornelius. It would tear me up on the inside to see him like that and then to see HER with him....is that selfish of me or only human? I've shed all the tears i have 4 him, been crying for him 4 two years. Death comes fast, the moment we took our first breaths we started dying, our biological clock, our life timebomb started ticking, counting down to the end. Now cornelius's end may be here now, or may be here next month or next year, whenever it comes his clock has sped up, time has been stolen from him. Even though he and i have been through our ups and downs and all our issues, i always knew he was there, never had to worry because he was still living in the same house, with the same people, at the same school. Its just one more person i love and lose.
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(no subject) [Mar. 19th, 2005|09:47 am]
Your Life as a Celebrity by Karen_Walker
reason for being famous
plastic surgery you've had done
your tabloid scandalsex tape
your stalker20soccer_star06
your best friend
your nemesis
the tabloids think you're dating
you're really dating
your secret lover
your bitter ex
how long you stay in the spotlightyou're a classic. you'll always be famous.
Quiz created with MemeGen!

[ ] hang out with me?
[ ] go see a movie with me?
[ ] hug me?
[ ] hug me a lot?
[ ] kiss me?
[ ] use your tongue?
[ ] let me put my hand on your butt?
[ ] put Your hand on My butt?
[ ] be alone in a room with me?
[ ] go on a date with me?
[ ] take me to your place?
[ ] sleep with me? (no sex)
[ ] cuddle with me?
[ ] have sex with me?
[ ] sing in a car with me?
[ ] play strip poker with me?
[ ] date me?
[ ] ask me out?
[ ] please me in more ways then 1?
[ ] let me kiss you?
[ ] get me a B-day gift?
[ ] be my gf/bf?
[ ] have a fling with me?
[ ] be there for me?
[ ] buy me a drink?
[ ] bring me around your friends?
[ ] give me a massage?
[ ] love me?
[ ] hang out with me more the 2 times a week?
[ ] miss me?
[ ] enjoy being with me?
[ ] re-post this for me to answer your questions
[ ] Be my friend!!!!!
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craving [Mar. 5th, 2005|11:41 pm]
[what i feel in my soul |contemplativecontemplative]
[what i hear in my head |back in the day]

right now im craving an out of body experiance. Desiring to not be me, even if only briefly. I dont understand why even when things are good, i still do not allow myself to be happy. i should b happy right now, should b content in the life that im living. yet im not, instead i jus feel....funny...i miss my childhood, i miss popcicles and lemonade, miss sharing a bus seat with my 2 best friends and coming home to a blow up pool and running through sprinklers. i miss being in love....i miss being loved by a nonfamily member....miss the mutual, innocent infatuation that keeps him on my mind all day and once together, keeps our fingers intertwined for hours, keeps our lips from being able to b near each other without kissing and our faces to keep gravitating towards each other. i miss the silences that werent akward but comfortable, i miss feeling safe, feeling like everything will b ok, like everything is ok, because im in love, because the person i love wont let anything go wrong for me and i wont let anything go wrong for him.

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poem [Jan. 21st, 2005|09:41 pm]
[what i feel in my soul |angryangry]
[what i hear in my head |DMX]

so i finished the autobiography of DMX in like 3days, it was really good and jus made me like him even more. He's one of my favorite rappers. DMX is the only rapper who i can jus vibe to on that tip like "damn ppl r fake" or "y do good ppl gotta experiance bad things" he jus hits me on a deeper level than most rappers. Em hits me deep when i got family problems and im mad at the world, nas hits me when im jus thinkin on societal issues, pac hits me like "im so glad my parents got out the hood so i can experiance the better things, so i can make a difference". But X, he jus takes me to a whole nother level. So after finishing the book i was sittin in class thinkin about the day2 day bullshit i deal with at lahser and i wrote this RAW ass poem....if u not feelin it or WHATEVER u think about it or about me writing it u can let me kno, u can let me kno if u dont understand....i jus wanna kno....jus gimme REAL comments. Gracias mi amigos
I try to see the world throught eyes unclouded
Try not to judge; live and let live, dont make ppl feel crowded

Yet niggas still wanna test me, still tryin ta get a rise
They push me 2 say "FUCK IT!" and jus roll my eyes
Dont like these niggas so their words jus add to my demise

They dont give a fuck about me, so why am i alwayz on their minds
They keep tryin to b in mines like theres somethin to find, yet they never just ask whats on my mind

Its cool tho, they dont wanna hear what i gotta say noway
"heard yo girls a ho, you cant do no betta?"
"as much bread u got and braggin u do, whats good wit that old ass sweater"

"Why you still talkin shit, you kno u jus got jumped.
Aint do shit about it niether, you fuckin chump."

"So u think im a snitch? Aint gotta explain myself,
cuz ALL yall hated on that ho ass bitch"

"oh u think im gay nigga, what u wanna see me kiss a chick?
How bout this: u can jus suck my dick"

See it really aint shit to me
When i got more balls than half tha niggas that surround me
And they cant even handle me jus sayin what i see

So i keep to myself, keep the drama on low
But somebody alwayz gotta step up and put on a show

"Why tha fuck u in my face nigga, u kno we aint friends"

[Bruce]"oh u blazin? Lemme bring this to an end"

"naw, lemme do that 4 u...i dont kno you, dont like u, if i was a nigga id prolly fight u.
Stomp yo chest in so i aint have 2 hear u speak, and wouldnt feel bad cuz u aint shit 2 me.
The plan was to bring it to an end, so thats what imma do
and all i need to say is FUCK U"

I leave niggas burnt by the shit i say
But i stay real, spittin fire in they face

Its not that im not friendly, they jus push me 2 my limit
Then my smile fades and i gotta flip shit

Even wit my baby face, theres still a dog inside and she aint nuthin nice
The bitch in me dont hesitate to bite
So dont step to me like u might wanna fight
Cuz unsure niggas get ate quick, like minute rice
So yea im a hostile teen and i can accept that, but im sweet to those who r sweet to me and im still the big kid that most ppl kno and love, the kid's jus been thru some shit, thats all
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