||[May. 14th, 2005|01:13 pm]
|[||what i hear in my head
|||||john legend- i can change||]|
touch me the right way and a smile comes to my face and my eyes light up. Look at me the right way and i become warm and innocent again. love me the right way and i become happy again.
i've determined that by nature i am a nurturer, when it comes to people i care about and love i just want them to feel good, to feel happy, and to love me for my effort to help in that. But i lose sight of what i need sometimes, not lose sight but rather forget to pursue it and i become accomidating. I dont even realize it untill i start to become unhappy and feel unloved and just want to be touched.
Just want to feel someones hand on mine and in that touch know that someone wants me to be happy just as bad as i want them to be happy.
Love is complicated and to desire a love and not recieve it is even more complicated because you cant force someone to love.
I talked to Ray for over an hour today and he said i dont act attracted to him. I was shocked because he's that person whos touch makes me feel at home, makes me feel comfortable and just content and happy. And thats when i realized that i'd become accomidating again, when he kisses me, i dont kiss him how i want to b kissed but rather i just let him kiss me and he can feel that.
I cried for the majority of the conversation and after getting off the phone with him, our problems resolved, i still feel kind of down.
My eyes burn and my head hurts and i dont really know why.
Like i do sometimes i started this with a point and in jus "talking" about whats irkin me, i've forgotten my real point